My days and thoughts....

Blog covering some selected happenings in my life.

Friday, May 12, 2006

I feel so Egyptian

What's wrong with me? Now, I know I am Egyptian by heart. What the hell is wrong with me? My attempts to become a good citizen who wants to improve in order to help the others around him are failing. I am trying to be a good citizen. I want to bring a change to people around me. But I couldn't bring that change to me first. I tried many times. I succeeded for a good while. Then I returned to the normal lousy state.
I set goals just for the fun of setting them and do not even think of working. I then blame those government employees for not doing their job and criticize them of having a record low of 27 mins working time per day. The same thing applies for me. I realized that I really do not work that hard, to the extent that I don't do anything at all. I can see the reflection of many things in Egypt in me. I want these things to change. Therefore, I try to change them in myself first. I want a better life but I am not working for it. I complain about not reaching my goals and blame others on that including blaming lack of time. Nevertheless, it is the lack of vision and the lack of conscious. The dilemma is that sometimes I am aware of this problem but I do nothing to solve it. I know my powers and my abilities to achieve what I want yet I just do not make use of them.

The reasons have to do with the culture and traditions I inherit from my predecessors, peers and surrounding environment. If I change I might be alone and this is the problem. I can find others like me who are changing and are alone so we can group together. I also can find opposition to that change from people who are unaware of what is wrong with them or others who are aware of the problem and cannot change because either they fear this change or they do not want it.

OK, now for the zillionth time I admit of the problem and of the solution. What will I do next? Will give it another shot? It is too hard yet the outcome from previous try is tempting for another. However, I just feel like I do not want it although I know it will be better for me and then for the others around me. The thing I am not sure of is that whether the concept of its never to late to change is applicable or not. But I know that current position is not healthy and is like falling to an deep open abyss and the longer I wait, the deeper I fall.

Let's wait and see.

2 Comments:

Blogger walladshab said...

You say :" If I change I might be alone and this is the problem. I can find others like me who are changing and are alone so we can group together."
Ok,and then?Cause I did that and we are now just sharing our suffering.

May 12, 2006 6:19 PM  
Blogger Ragy said...

Wow ,, it seems i am not the only one who feels so Egyptian..
I am working now in USA for 2 years and all what I am thinking of is how to change the people I know when I am back to Egypt??!
I feel that I will go crazy like trying to organize the traffic in the streets.
who knows ? every thing is possible.

May 19, 2006 8:19 PM  

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